Recognising Casual Disrespect in Your Relationship
Note: This article has been written from the perspective of women in the context of marriage, but applies to both men and women in friendships and dating included!
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favourite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we’re talking like these leading ladies.
Here are some ways we show disrespect:
Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: “You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children.”
Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: “That’s your best idea yet; got any more?”
Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he’s around. Example: “He actually thinks those look good together.”
Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: “So are we actually going to see you on time today?”
I’ve come to understand that the phrase “Women need love and men need respect” is more than just a slogan — it’s Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I’m sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.
Here’s how I’ve been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I start with prayer, asking God to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honour for the husband God gave me.
These alternatives show respect:
Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: “What made work so difficult today?”
Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: “I’m not sure that’s going to work. Are there any other options?”
Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: “I love that he’s daring enough to wear that.”
Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: “It’s been really hard for us when you’re late; I appreciate your making the effort to get home earlier.”
I show respect to my husband because God brought up the subject. It’s His way of leading me into a marriage that is blessed as it reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Marriage has a purpose far greater than my husband’s and my relationship. Our unity expressed in love and respect is nothing short of God’s witness to the world of His great love.
© Janine Petry. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally published in Thriving Family magazine and at focusonthefamily.com.
Article supplied with thanks to Focus on the Family Australia.
About the Author: Janine is an editor and writer who lives in the Fort Wayne, Indiana, area. Focus on the Family provides relevant, practical support to help families thrive in every stage of life.