By: Brittany Ann
Did your parents teach you about sex when you were growing up?
Did they do a good job? Or did you have to learn most of what you know at school, at church, on the playground, or even in books or on websites once you were older?
It’s funny, for a culture where sex is so prevalent (it’s hard to watch a show that doesn’t include or at least reference it–even on so-called “family” channels), we really don’t talk about sex the way we should.
It’s all jokes and references–not really the information that Christian women need to know.
And as a result, there are a LOT of misconceptions about what sex is, what it’s for, and what it does to us spiritually and emotionally — even among Christian women who are old enough to know better!
Personally, I think my mum did a pretty good job of teaching me the things I’d need to know. And yet, I still grew up with tons of misconceptions and misunderstandings that I was taught–not by my parents, but by the CHURCH of all places, and by the culture around me. Maybe you did too.
Do any of these 7 Lies Christian Women Believe About Sex sound familiar to you?
Myth #1. Sex is Wrong/Dirty
Sure, some of the ways sex is practiced today are wrong or dirty, but sex as a whole is certainly not wrong or dirty. Sex was God’s idea. It’s God’s gift to us. There’s even a whole book of the Bible devoted to celebrating the love between a young man and his new bride, and it’s seriously graphic!
“How beautiful you are and how pleasing,
my love, with your delights!
Your stature is like that of the palm,
and your breasts like clusters of fruit.
I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree;
I will take hold of its fruit.’”
–Song of Songs 7:6-8a
In the Old Testament, new husbands weren’t allowed to go to war during the first year of their marriage because they had to stay home and “please their wives.”
“If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him. For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” –Deuteronomy 24:5
And in the New Testament, married couples were encouraged NOT to stop having sex.
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” –1 Corinthians 7:5
Myth #2. Marriage Fixes Everything
Of course, just because God created sex within marriage to be good, that doesn’t mean sex is automatically going to be wonderful as soon as you’re married.
If you experimented sexually before marriage (even if it was with your husband), you could have inadvertently created sexual baggage you’ll then bring into your marriage. Or even if you waited until marriage, you might have other hurts, fears or hang-ups that get in your way.
Plus, you might be brand new and just plain not know what you’re doing yet. Every person likes different things, and it takes a lot of time and practice to really reach the level of intimacy God created us to have.
So if sex isn’t awesome right off the bat — that’s okay! Sometimes there are obstacles you have to uproot and take care of first, and plus, it just takes some practice. Being one with someone isn’t easy. You have to work at it! So don’t feel bad if it isn’t all unicorns and rainbows right away.
Marriage isn’t a magic pill; it’s a life-long commitment and good sex / intimacy does take work.
Myth #3. Sex is Just for Him
All men love sex, and women just have to grin and bear it? That’s what a lot of selfish guys are happy to let you believe, but it’s not Biblical. God created sex to be enjoyed by both the man AND the woman, and it’s okay to enjoy it! You’re supposed to!
In fact, did you know that God made one part of your body with the SOLE purpose of providing sexual pleasure? Why would He give it to you if He didn’t expect you and your husband to take full advantage of it?? Sex is for you too!
Myth #4: Sex is All About Fun and Physical Release
While God did create sex to feel good, it isn’t JUST about feeling good. Sex also creates “soul ties,” or an actual spiritual connection between the two individuals.
Within the context of marriage, these soul ties are great! They help us to grow in intimacy and love each other more, even we have bills to pay or our husbands do things we disagree with. When we still have leftover soul ties to people we aren’t married to, however, they becomes a serious problem, as they give satan a foothold from which he can attack our marriages, our intimacy, and our sex lives.
Even if your husband watches porn (either currently or before you were married), this can create baggage and soul ties you’ll need to work through/break.
Or if you’re looking for something more in-depth and comprehensive, this step-by-step workbook is a GREAT resource to help with all sorts of spiritual bondage.
Myth #5: Sex Has to Look a Certain Way
While all of us do have our own preferences for things we like and don’t like, I’d really encourage you not to get trapped that sex has to look one specific way or meet a certain checklist of qualifications to “count.”
As women, our bodies change a LOT over the course of our lifetimes, especially throughout the childbearing years and then once menopause kicks in. So it only makes sense that sex is going to look and feel different depending on the season of your life you’re in.
If something hurts or you’re experiencing significant hurdles, absolutely see a doctor. But if sex is difficult for a season (due to dryness after childbirth or because you’re not in the mood for sex, for example), that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you! It’s just a part of life. Sometimes sex is great, other times, not so much. It’s totally normal.
Myth #6: Sex is Just Another Chore to Cross off the To-Do List
This goes along with a lot of what I’ve said already, but it bears repeating–Sex is not a chore. It’s supposed to be enjoyable! Yes, take care of your husband, but not just out of obligation. It’s something fun for both of you to do together!
Myth #7: If My Sexual Past is Less than Pretty, I’m “Damaged Goods”
There are so many ways that this can play out, but none of them are true.
- Made mistakes in your past? God offers forgiveness
- Been abused or taken advantage of? God offers healing
- Gotten in some bad habits or ruts? You can break free and start fresh.
No matter what has happened in your past, the Bible tells us that we are a new creation in Christ. The old has gone, the new has come! You don’t have to walk in shame or condemnation anymore. You can walk in freedom!
So, how many of these 7 lies Christian women believe about sex have you been guilty of believing? Which one do you most need to work through today?
Article supplied with thanks to Equipping Godly Women.
About the Author: Brittany is a wife, a mother of three, a writer, author, teacher, and lover of Jesus!